What to Expect in Your First Couples Therapy Session

A Practical Guide to Starting Strong—Without the Guesswork

Introduction: It’s Normal to Feel Nervous

Walking into your first couples therapy session can feel a little intimidating.

You might be wondering:

“Are we going to be judged?”
“What if we just argue the whole time?”
“Is this going to be awkward or emotional—or both?”

Here’s the good news: you’re not alone in feeling this way.
At Sigpark Counselling, we meet couples every week who say the same thing:

“We should have come sooner… but we didn’t know what to expect.”

That’s why we wrote this guide.

Whether you’re feeling hopeful, hesitant, or completely unsure of what therapy is even supposed to “do,” this post will walk you through exactly what happens in your first session—step by step.

You’ll learn:

✅ What your therapist will (and won’t) ask
✅ How the conversation is structured
✅ What you should bring (emotionally and practically)
✅ What comes next after the first session

Most of all, we want you to feel safe, seen, and supported—right from the start.

Let’s break it down.

1. You Don’t Need to Have It All Figured Out

That’s what therapy is for.

One of the biggest misconceptions about starting couples therapy is that you need to arrive with a perfect explanation of what’s “wrong.” The truth? Most couples walk in unsure of what to say—or how to say it.

And that’s okay.

Your therapist’s job is to help you sort through the mess, identify patterns, and create clarity out of confusion. You don’t need to have a list of issues, a script, or a detailed timeline of every disagreement.

Instead, just come with:

• A willingness to be honest, even if things feel awkward at first
• A curiosity about your own role in the relationship dynamic
• A shared goal (even a rough one) like “We want to stop arguing” or “We want to feel close again”

As licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Susan Johnson (creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy) explains:

“Couples don’t come to therapy because they’re fighting. They come because they’ve lost their connection. The therapist helps them find a way back.”

So if you’re feeling nervous about “not knowing where to start”—you already have.
You’re here. You’re reading this. And that’s enough for now.

2. Your Therapist Will Create a Safe, Neutral Space

This isn’t about taking sides—it’s about building understanding.

The idea of airing personal issues in front of a stranger can feel intimidating. But one of the therapist’s most important roles is to create a non-judgmental, supportive environment for both partners.

From the very first session, a trained couples therapist will:

• Set clear boundaries around respect and turn-taking
• Make sure each partner feels heard and validated
• Help you both slow down and explore emotions—not just arguments

Couples often worry:

“Will the therapist take my partner’s side?”
“Will I be blamed for everything?”

The answer is no.

At Sigpark Counselling, our therapists use evidence-based, trauma-informed approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to guide sessions. That means your therapist isn’t just focused on the problem—you’ll work together to uncover underlying needs, attachment patterns, and ways to move forward.

As Dr. Sue Johnson notes in Hold Me Tight:

“The first task of the therapist is to become the safe haven where each partner can express pain without fear of attack.”

A strong therapeutic relationship isn’t about fixing you—it’s about helping you feel safe enough to be real with each other again.

3. Expect Questions—But Not an Interrogation

Your therapist needs context, not confessions.

During your first session, your therapist will ask questions to get to know you as individuals and as a couple. This isn’t to assign blame—it’s to understand your unique dynamic, history, and pain points.

You might be asked things like:

• How long have you been together?
• What brought you to counselling now?
• How do you currently handle conflict?
• What do you hope to get out of therapy?

These questions help your therapist see the full picture—where the patterns started, what’s worked in the past, and where things have broken down.

💡 Pro Tip: Honesty goes a long way here. Even if something feels messy or hard to say, this is the space to say it. Therapists aren’t shocked by relationship struggles—they’re trained to help you work through them, not judge them.

At Sigpark Counselling, we often hear couples say:

“We’ve never talked about this so openly before.”

That openness is the start of something better. The questions may feel vulnerable at first—but they’re the key to getting clarity, feeling heard, and building a roadmap forward.

4. You’ll Talk About Goals—Even If You’re Not on the Same Page Yet

Every couple walks into counselling with different expectations. One partner might want to fix things. The other might not be sure if the relationship can even be saved.

That’s okay.

Your first session is a safe space to voice those goals honestly—without pressure or judgment. A skilled therapist will help both of you explore your intentions and start shaping shared objectives.

Common goals might include:

• Improving communication
• Rebuilding trust
• Reducing conflict
• Reconnecting emotionally
• Deciding whether to stay together

If you’re not aligned yet, that’s part of the work. Therapy isn’t about forcing outcomes—it’s about discovering what each partner needs and finding a healthy way forward.

🧠 According to the National Library of Medicine setting mutual goals in therapy improves accountability and long-term success.

5. You’ll Learn That Conflict Isn’t the Enemy

Most couples arrive in therapy thinking conflict is the problem. But here’s the truth: conflict isn’t the issue—it’s how you handle it.

Your first session will help shift that mindset. A therapist isn’t there to referee fights or assign blame. Instead, they’ll guide you to see disagreements as opportunities for growth and understanding.

You’ll begin to:

• Recognize patterns (like shutting down or escalating)
• Understand your emotional triggers
• Slow down the cycle so you can respond instead of react

🧠 “Couples don’t need to avoid conflict. They need to learn how to fight fair,” says Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy. “The goal isn’t to eliminate conflict—it’s to use it to create closeness.”

At Sigpark Counselling, we teach couples tools to de-escalate tension and stay connected—even in the middle of a tough conversation. Because healthy conflict is a skill—and it can be learned.

6. Your Therapist Will Be a Neutral Guide—Not a Judge

One of the biggest fears couples have is that the therapist will “take sides.” Let’s clear that up right now:

A good couples therapist is not a referee. They’re a guide.

Therapists are  trained to hold space for both people—without judgment, bias, or blame. Whether you’ve come in feeling anxious, frustrated, or unsure, the role of your therapist is to:

• Stay emotionally neutral
• Validate both partners’ experiences
• Help you unpack what’s underneath the arguments
• Keep the conversation focused and productive

You won’t be shamed. You won’t be scolded. And no, they won’t tell you who’s “right.”

What they will do is help both of you understand each other better—and give you tools to break the cycle that brought you here.

💬 According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), couples therapy has a high success rate—especially when both partners feel emotionally safe and heard in the room.

Still nervous? That’s okay. The first step is just showing up. The rest? You’ll figure it out together.

7. You’ll Leave With Clarity—Not All the Answers

Let’s set realistic expectations.

You won’t walk out of your first session with everything “fixed.” But you will leave with something just as valuable: clarity.

By the end of your session, you’ll likely have:

• A better understanding of what’s driving your disconnection
• A sense of how your therapist works and what the process will look like
• One or two small steps to try at home (like a communication shift or new reflection exercise)

Think of the first session as a compass—not a cure.

💡 According to Psychology Today, early clarity in therapy helps couples feel more motivated and engaged in the process moving forward.

8. Next Steps: What Happens After the First Session?

Once your first session wraps up, your therapist will talk to you about what comes next. This might include:

• Setting a schedule – Weekly or biweekly sessions are most common, especially early on.
• Establishing goals – You’ll work together to outline the key issues you want to improve and how success will be measured.
• Homework between sessions – Many therapists offer reflection exercises, journaling prompts, or new habits to practise at home.
• Checking in regularly – Progress is ongoing. You’ll continue to adjust your focus as your relationship grows and shifts.

Every couple is different. Some begin feeling better after just a few sessions; others benefit from longer-term support. What matters most is that you’re showing up, staying open, and committing to the process—together.

🔗 Want to learn more about our approach? Visit our Couples Counselling page to explore how we help relationships grow stronger, one session at a time.

Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

Taking that first step into couples counselling can feel intimidating—but it’s also incredibly brave.

You’re choosing to invest in your relationship, face challenges head-on, and build something stronger together. The first session is just the beginning. With honesty, commitment, and a skilled therapist by your side, real transformation is possible.

At Sigpark Counselling, we’re here to walk with you every step of the way. Whether you’re struggling with communication, trust, parenting, or just feeling distant—we offer a calm, compassionate space where both of you can be heard.

🗓️ Ready to take that first step?
 Book your free 15-minute consultation today and find out how we can help your relationship grow.